Category Archives: confession

Worth Dying For

Peace and Glory festooned across my brow …

over a winged skull …

the rhinestone encrusted ball cap turned backwards on my head

“What’s up with you and them skulls all the time” she sneered “what’s that representin’?”

i said ta me its the death of the self, flyin’ off ta heaven …

like  when you die, you instantly connected to the source of the universe, that’s why i say its ultimately a dead end, this unending fight to survive goin’ on within ourselves and the focus of the whole movement of civilization … war in every sphere of every level of our consciousness playin’ out in all it’s forms all out in the world …

we all gonna die anyway

ergo – if i gonna die – obviously – there is only one and constant question –

is what i doin’, right here and now, worth dyin’ for?

 

 

Advertisements

One of my Greatest Accomplishments

To have had it come back ’round to me, more than once, “Gary the only white boy I trust.”

The First Order of Business

The tagline of this blog is the 2nd ta last line of the book i wrote. In Spirit it is in sync with the principles of one and zero. When i wrote the line, i was referring specifically to prejudice.

I wrote the line sometime prior to ’96 age 38 after 12 straight years in the unskilled labor force. It took me 10 years to write my book. It seems so simple and naive now in a way. It was just me educating my own ignorance. Much library time and many books consumed along the way.

It took another 7 years to self publish. It was a tortured route that mangled the book somewhat. You see i led a cloistered life because in 2010 i still didn’t know what the internet was, even though i had spent countless hours googlin’ ONLY K and Bohm at the library. Researched K and Bohm religiously on the internet and consumed at least a hundred of their separate and combined and about them and their lives books on up to ’bout ’09, along with the religiophilosociopsychopolitico historical scientific documentation type of stuff that filled the library shelves and more than a few volumes of fiction.

But mainly, the focus of my whole life was obtain money through sellin’ my life, the hours of the day, for the family to survive the miasma of modern society. I allowed the state to direct me in exchange for permitting us to live. I been in the trenches from the gitgo.

Industrial labor, along with the vast economic machine of all the white and blue collar service industries that support it, is a world unto itself. The grandsons and granddaughters of the poor white trash sharecroppers and the black slaves and the slave masters all bunched up in the filthy, dangerous machine filled buildings worshipping production on a daily basis sacrificing themselves and their families to the god of capitalism in a social structure built on the sacrifice of generations of black people over hundreds of years, i say these children and grandcildren bear a burden imposed top down from authority and perhaps a greater burden built in our brain is the racial stereotypes that divide our consciousness.

Doin’ the labor is one thing, a mighty thing. The structural prejudice is another. Of course its not just racial prejudice, its every other kind also, but its the racial prejudice that underlies and supports all the others, race takes precedence. I know. I am a witness.

The reason i say ‘the first order of business’ is cause when we initially approach each other to come together in our struggle to survive, our relationship is gummed up by the predetermined trust factors built into our society. That is our consciousness.

When i explain to my friends the difference between white on black prejudice  as opposed to black on white, i tell ’em this. When we was young, hangin’ ’round the feed store in the totally white community of the small town south, we might over hear the old men say somethin’ like “… i ain’t got nothin’ ‘gainst (n-word). I think ever’body 0tta have one. Ha ha ha.” Thats an expression of racism without deep feelin’.

But the emotion in a black person tryin’ ta navigate the white dominant system the feelin’ is in the blood flowin’ through their vein with every heartbeat, with every breath. Its not just “driving while black” is an apparent crime, so is tryin’ to go to school while black, tryin’ to buy a home while black, tryin’ to find a job and every other transaction common to ecomomic survival. Especially difficult is tryin’ ta navigate the judicial system while black.  That is day in and day out. So quite naturally a black mind is gonna be far more conscious of an unjust burden, while the white mind is gonna derive his benefit without consideration. It takes time for white to prove worthy of the trust of black. And that don’t occur very damn often.

The reason i say the first order of business is because of ‘that which is of hightest value’. Now usually when is say ‘that which is of hightest value’ i mean our state of mind, a clean clear perception. Shifting the frame of reference to bein’ an oil slave facin’ a global emergency i gonna say yeah, a good, stable mind is a necessity, but right here and now its Women and Children first. We want to clean and clear our minds of prejudice because we want to secure the health and safety of the greatest jewel of the known universe that only comes into the world through the body of a woman.

Shifting Frames of Reference and Truth.

Ok. Yeah. So it starting now and its startin’ here, not because of … anything, but because its right. I may make a big deal outta right and wrong sometimes … but its only because i sense it is central to what is  happenin’ in the world. Or rather its just the sense, and not necessarily the “right” and “wrong”.

I gonna show here at Oil Slave how all the bullshit i talk about relates to everyday livin’ “down here” where the common man lives. I gonna show how there is an “everybody” and how everybody shares a common need. Need as in the sense of absolute necessity, like food, water and air. Clear Perception – The Obliteration of Consciousness.

Or maybe that already been done and and if ya wanted to see it you wooda done did.

Ok. What about i just talk ’bout, more from a “personal” view point ’bout what i see, keep it simple and completely open. As opposed, say to, speakin’ in an over general, abstract or “universal” type of way, what it takes to survive or get through the day down here, a confession.

I gonna draw a map taking into account the shifting frames of reference, like how even sitting quietly at home, much less out in the street, perception is limited. I mean you can’t see out the back of your head or beyond the horizon or all directions at once. And ya got at minimum the biological drives, eating and fucking, and the attendant psychological drivers (and their offspring). Thought be chasin’ its tale through our head and through our world. One minute this and the next that.

So like the blind men who can’t agree on what an elephant is, even when its at hand, we still gotta continue to live together. And still on the same planet, side by side. We’ll just jam our various riffs, all our different views, and see where they connected.

I Confess

I was born and bred an oil slave in the most enslaved nation on the planet. The evil of my masters knows no bounds. They have succeeded in destroying not only our personal lives, but most tragically have wreaked destruction and disease throughout the web of life that animates the whole planet.

And i have been an active participant. Not just the fact that i survive, function and benefit from the system – but have helped dig many mile deep holes in the Earth, helped produce the pipe for hundreds of miles of oil and gas pipeline, and currently build valves for those same processes.

I confess i am in a crisis of consciousness.